The twins Mina and Mille have left a deep impression on all of us. Sadly, they died while in the care of child welfare services. I’ve thought: that could be my daughter.
I’m a father and my daughter has crossed paths with the twins because of a similar story. Now I will no longer remain silent. I have to share how small I have felt in the face of a child protection system that believes they are right no matter if they are wrong. I also have to tell you how scared I’ve been running around the streets of Oslo trying to find my daughter, who has escaped from an institution.
Our story began with the diagnosis of anorexia, a severe eating disorder. The disease gradually took over my life, and I’ve lost count of how many times we’ve been in and out of hospital. Child welfare services became involved. They wanted to help us, but I replied that this is my child, that we get good help from BUPP, and that things were getting better. But the path from an eating disorder to self-harm and substance abuse is frighteningly short. I was on call around the clock.
Barnevernet took over the care of my child and she was moved to an institution. I felt powerless.
My daughter met one of the twins at the childcare center. Everyday life was characterized by escapes, substance abuse and self-harm. Is this really what happens when you leave your child in the care of child protection services? And how can we justify sending young people to institutions when we know they’re not getting the healthcare they need? It’s good that more child welfare committees are now investigating and submitting reports on child welfare services. But for those of us in the midst of it, there’s no comfort in knowing that things might get better in the future.
Last August, while my daughter was in an institution, she was admitted to A-house after an overdose of illegal drugs. I sent updates to the caseworker in child welfare throughout the weekend without getting a response. When I finally got in touch with her on Monday, I asked how her weekend had been. She replied: “Not like yours, I’m sorry”. Then I said: “Sorry won’t help me if my daughter comes home in a coffin.”
I called in the case manager and two managers for an emergency meeting after the weekend, but I felt like I was talking to deaf ears. I said to them: “You in the child protection service are sitting and watching – and you have pushed my daughter off the cliff, while you have tied my hands. I have to stand by and watch my daughter being destroyed. I also asked them if they had let their own children run around Oslo S at night. One of the case officers replied that none of us had done so.
So why do you think it’s okay for my daughter to do that? Take responsibility and stop hiding behind paragraphs.”
Fuck me – save my daughter. Bring her home. BUPP can help us.” But again I spoke to deaf ears. They saw the destructive development of my daughter, but chose instead to move her to a new institution.
After four months in an institution, child welfare services realized that things were going in the wrong direction for my daughter. In October, she was sent back home to me.
I got my daughter back, but she was exhausted both physically and mentally. Again, we got good help from BUPP. She has now been home for six months. She hasn’t used drugs, hasn’t run away, hasn’t self-harmed and hasn’t acted out.
I am deeply grateful that my daughter came home again. Unfortunately, not everyone is as lucky. It’s been a tough battle, but I’ve refused to give up.
I have complained about child welfare services and the institutions my daughter was in to the State Governor. The hope is that the system can learn from the mistakes that were made in our case.
I don’t wish any parent or child to have to go through what we have gone through. Everything I have learned in this process, I will now use to help others in similar situations.
I have started an association: “One Love – One Heart – One Goal”. The aim of this association is to ensure that parents and children are heard. This is about the adults of the future. This is about the most precious thing we have: our children. We need to ensure that the systems that hold so much power learn from their mistakes and understand that they have more knowledge about what works when they take over care.
Our experiences are important for improving child welfare services. Together, we will create a better future for those of us who are in the midst of it now, and for those who come after us.
Zartasht I. Khawaja
